What's in your wallet?

We will soon hold a burial ceremony for the precious man I got to call my husband for 21 years, Matthew Van Hooreweghe. I have been slowly going through the temporary material trappings that belonged to him as I can find the strength. His wallet is one thing that I want to record and remember and want my kids to know and remember. He carried only the necessary things in his wallet. He was particular about how his cards went into his wallet. He had order to it. He had a purpose for that order. Let me mention some of that order so you can see the purpose with me.

#1 Our wedding picture. He and I exchanged pics shortly after we were married so we could write a special message to one another that could be read if we needed to travel or be apart. He still carried it. It was important to him and it is a reminder to me that our marriage was important to him. He loved me well.

Marriage to him meant commitment to one woman as long as we both shall live. He lived it out. He spoiled me often. Held me accountable often. Challenged me to be more than I thought I could be. Lead me to love Jesus more. His love was strong and bold. He would put my comfort above his own. He led the way holding my hand closely to his heart every day.

#2 Years ago, Matt asked me to write down some of my goals in life. I found them in his wallet! He carried them with him. He looked at them and prayed over them. He would ask me occasionally about them and if I needed help with anything. He talked with me about his own goals in life. His dreams were great and so were his ideas on how to help me reach mine.

#3. Matt rarely kept cash in his wallet. He would tease me about always stealing the cash he did have at times. (kids always need cash for something!) But he would always want to have $1 in his wallet. He didn't want to be empty handed in case he met someone who needed help. Whether he was donating to a cause at work, giving pizza money to his child, or giving money to a homeless person standing on a corner. It was sweet to see that last $1 in his wallet. He had a purpose for the money God gave him to steward.

#4 Matt would always carry a card in his wallet that could be used to invite someone to church. He thought about the eternity of others. When we went out for dinner we would see who could pull out the card the quickest. He was refilling his cards much more often than I did. Jesus saved him, how could he not tell others about Him?

Before Matt and I met, the Lord used Psalm 73:25-26 in my life to teach me that being single was an ok place to be because I had the Lord and earth could hold nothing I desire more. My heart and flesh feel like they want to fail at a moment's notice some days "but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." I am praying I can begin to wave that banner across my life again soon, as I admit that earth did have something I desire. I can't say I desired Matt more than God but right now I often question that as I go through missing him and the pain of not having him here with us. It's a normal part of grieving.